🚁 Offshore Survival: A Comedic Guide to Not Becoming Fish Food 🌊
My Offshore Survival Masterclass: From Den Helder to the Great Unknown.
FYI: I had to to comply with all the many most interesting offshore survival courses, for going offshore 1990-2015. in The Netherlands, to the drill and production platforms. Most exciting and varied work.
Attention Suriname’s brave souls venturing into offshore adventures! Such as Blocks 52, 58, 64 etc. In 2025.
Buckle up for a wild ride through the most ironically named “survival” training you’ll ever experience! 🏊♂️🔥
🎭 The Helicopter Underwater Escape Training: Not Your Average Monday Morning
Imagine starting your day strapped upside down in a metal tube underwater. Coffee? Boring! This is an adrenaline cocktail with a splash of pure survival instinct!
• Location: Den Helder’s Noorderhaaks Centrum
• Difficulty Level: Somewhere between “Olympic swimmer” and “Human pretzel”
• Success Metric: Not drowning + Maintaining sense of humor
🔥 Firefighting: Because Geologists Are Secretly Superheroes
Who says geologists just study rocks? In offshore training, you’re part geologist, part firefighter, part comedian!
Pro Tip: Rocks may not be flammable, but your sense of adventure definitely is!
❄️ Survival Swimming: The North Sea’s Ultimate Ice Bucket Challenge
Picture this: A freezing February morning in Den Helder
• Wind: Howling like a disappointed drilling supervisor
• Temperature: Somewhere between “Arctic” and “Are you kidding me?”
• Team Building Activity: Collective hypothermia! 🥶
🏋️ The Rig Escape: Choose Your Own Adventure
When someone says “jumping 30 meters into the sea will save your life,” what they really mean is:
• Option A: Crispy situation on the rig
• Option B: Very, very deep water
• Bonus Option C: Meet your maker before meeting the water!
💡 Survival Wisdom for Suriname’s Offshore Warriors
Top Tips for Offshore Success:
1. Pack a sense of humor (it’s lighter than survival gear)
2. Appreciate the absurd
3. Never let them see you shiver (even when you’re freezing)
4. Remember: Perspective is everything!
🌟 The Offshore Motto:
“When life gives you offshore challenges, make an adventure cocktail!”
Would I Do It Again?
ABSOLUTELY!
Just hand me that survival suit and watch me turn potential disaster into stand-up comedy!
🤔 Final Thought for Suriname’s Emerging Offshore Industry
You don’t just need specialized personnel and institutions. You need:
• Brave hearts
• Quick thinkers
• People who can laugh in the face of danger
• A really, REALLY good survival suit
🌊 Dedication
To all the Srananman’s and policy makers about to dive into the offshore world:
May your training be tough, your humor tougher, and your survival suits the absolute best!
Have fun, enjoy, success.
Above all, stay alive…
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